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WELCOME TO THE DATABASE!

> /open phenomenon_files

PLEASE ENTER PASSWORD

> ticklemehomo

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WELCOME TO PHENOMENON FILES. WHICH FILE WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCESS?

> /open file - phen001

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> /open file - phen001

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> /open file - phen001

KILL AGENT ACTIVATED.

...

...

... HEAROISRAEL ...

~-~-~-~-~_~_~_~_~-~-`-_~-~-~_~-~_~-~_~_~-~-~_~

Kill agent suppressed. Authorization accepted.


Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Oh, wow, they put the most dangerous one as #1? That's realistic" Well yeah, that's what we do. We order things by how present they are. But that opens up a few questions, like, Gascot was 061, right? You'd think that there wouldn't be 60 things more fucked up than that, right? Yeah, I'm pretty sure #12 or #13 is literally a walking black hole. So yeah, some things are taken a bit more seriously than some walking fuck who does spooky Jewish stand-up routines. But that being said, what is 001? The simple answer is, there isn't one. The thing is, everything always gets worse as time progresses, and quite frankly, whatever we come across is cataloged based on our past experiences, meaning that if we constantly tried to fill everyone's slot, we'd have six 001s every few years. So, the spot is perpetually empty. Unsatisfying?

~Command


Subject: Phenomenon № 001, Codename: HaVaYaH

Threat: Black UNKNOWN

Description: Phenomenon #001 is a figure approximately 1.8 meters tall of an above average build. While otherwise identical to an average human male in appearance and body structure, subject displays incredibly powerful reality bending abilities, which can range from manipulating matter or creating it. Subject displays violent mood-swings akin to that of a manic-depressive, though is amenable to taking medication to combat such. Subject also displays an uncanny ability to predict even the most unpredictable of hazards, almost as if it has performed these impossible tasks several times before, while also demonstrating extraordinary luck and complete mastery of even the most fatal of circumstances. Subject appears to be very subversive to human interaction, often breaking away from conversation to preform odd or disruptive tasks, apparently for its own enjoyment.

Phenomenon #001 is responsible for all of Creation. It is unknown if it has ever had a "previous form" before becoming its current iteration. It is assumed Phenomenon #001 is also directly responsible for the creation of other specific phenomena, such as Phenomenon #616 (former designation: Anomaly XJ-9041).

History: Unknown. What is known certainly is that P#001, in its current form, founded the GC/SN sometime in the late 90s, or early 2000s, this canon is so hard to keep track of.


INTERVIEW: PHENOMENON 616

~~ ~~

Interviewer: What can you tell me about Phenomenon #001

P-616: The what...oh. Ha, no.

Interviewer: What can you tell me about Phenomenon #001?

P-616: I believe I already declined to answer friend.

Interviewer: If you continue to resist questioning, we will turn on the gas again. Now, what can you tell me about Phenomenon #001?

P-616: Turn on the gas, I don't care. You won't get anything from me. I ain't one of his.

~~ ~~


Subject: Phenomenon № 001, Codename: --

Threat: Black

Description:
Screen Shot 2017-02-22 at 11.30.39 AM

Still from recovery attempt 5

I can't.

All we tried to do was find a way to bend everything. Of course, incredibly selfish. But human greed can bend your mind to a point that you may even see genocide as for a greater good.

If you're reading this, then congratulations. One of us has died. Something killed one of us. A monster, perhaps, or a rival. Or maybe we got just a little close to the flame? Not old age, of course. We took care of that, didn’t we?

’m going to write this to you as though you were a human being. It will be the last time anyone extends you the courtesy, so I hope you appreciate it.

Whoever you are, whatever you did before, you must have been high-ranking when you were pulled into this. You must have noticed the discrepancies, the inconsistencies. I don’t know how much you’ve been told already, or how much you’ve pieced together. The crux of the matter is this: The retrievals and recoveries of anomalous objects are staged, or made up whole cloth. We have never “discovered” a phenomenon in the entire history of the GC/SN, or whatever the fuck agency got absorbed to make us start researching this shit.

I always liked geometry. Like Euclid, Saccheri, that kind of shit. I loved things that fucked with the minds of science. Light was a particle and a wave. Pi, a number so exact, it could reach infinity in digits. 4-dimensional figures.

My fucking savant brain is to blame for this. I don't know how, maybe I'm autistic, but I pieced something together through all this. Somehow, in an almost cartoonish fashion, I just pieced all mystery together, I saw all the little clandestine connections that others would just write off as the result of taking broad topics and stretching them broader, to a paper-thin degree. It was like a mighty Hand of God drawing me closer and closer into a defining, principal component of life.

We funneled down to a rough equation. Old math.

In the beginning, it was just about discovery, about finding the things we could do. We had such high hopes, such plans. We were going to change the world. We were going to save it from itself. We could feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, heal the sick and dying. Physics guns were our first breakthrough, then, a total amalgamation of all things of other universes...a workshop.

But then, things started going a bit wrong. While we were playing with equations, I accidentally derived the missing number. In my laboratory. But we were too invested in our projects, so we pushed ahead.

We made God angry.

Soon, a man could walk through walls, and as he begged for help, he gave others his insidious power. When we tried to fix it, we made the things crooked, elongated, mutilated. These things are trapped in cells now.

Our higherups tried desperately to help us. To contain us. But then our commander discovered something we couldn't have imagined: a vessel for the higher powers. A Godhead truly alive.

And soon, we didn't have to make these things anymore. He did.

They gave us funding, personnel. We built up, and expanded outward. We repeated the sell in other countries. Some listened, some didn’t. Enough did. We became an international organization. We brought in more researchers, though very few ever suspected we were the source of these items they studied. Sometimes we would arrange for an object to be “found” by a field team, sometimes we would simply write the reports. We generated the paperwork, and we were the oversight. If we said a thing was, it was. It still is.

The things I really worry about are the anomalies we didn't create. No, I was telling the truth the first time. We didn't discover any of them. But some of them, they aren't our work. They just… were, one day. They were in containment, and they'd always been in containment. Don't you see? We're not in control anymore. We never were.

So, what is Phenomenon 001? Call it human ingenuity.


interview = commander

Oh please, Phenomenon 001. Most are just satisfied when they find out it's me, but then there's the people who say, "fuck that, there's still some page left!" But, hey, I'll give some clarity, yeah, 001 really is the most dangerous this out there, in the universe. Perhaps any universe, though I think it's unlikely. The thing is, I don't think I'm 001. Because yeah, God can be the most powerful thing in all of totality, but I'm not using my powers for evil. I'm not using them for good, but I'm certainly not evil. The truth is, there is a 001. The command thinks its not real, the researchers think they created it, the database thinks its God, i.e. me, but what do I think it is? I can say that I don't know. When everything that 7 billion people do every second is bombarded into your mind, all at once, you learn to tune it out for the sake of your own sanity. While I know everything, its not cognizantly recognized. Do you think you can handle knowing everything? You'd probably be at least a bit confident, until you read the fine print. "Everything" entails all that happens and all that will. So every second, the newest additions to "everything" are crammed into my head. But thankfully, I don't need to sift through totality just to see the glimpses of what is/what could become 001, because 001 is already here. It's contained. It's breaking out, every second. It's getting stronger, every second. And it ain't something I can describe.

But this doesn't make sense, right? How can I not describe 001? Because if I do, we're fucked. It's like the Name of God, speak it, and you are struck down. Speak of 001, and you fuck all mankind. Oh, but it's classified, we have it here. But we can't let that slip.

You see glimpses of it everyday. In the news. Online. In social media. Hell, for all you know, your fucking right thumb is 001. This whole page is pointless, because it doesn't tell you what 001 is. Even if that kill agent had worked, you'd be left with as much info about 001 as you would if you stubbed your toe on the wall.

But we have to do this. If we don't, it'll spread. Misinformation with little sprinkles of genuine info keeps this thing in check. It wants you to know what it is, so that it can spread, so that it can feel like...it's loved, maybe. I don't know. But it needs to be contained, for its own good.

And that being said, containment is a big component. Even if we can't say what it really is, we surely have to document it in SOME form, right? And this page, as aforementioned, is just a bunch of weird bullshit distractions.

Well, I had a thought, a thought than guarantees no one will ever find Phenomenon #001.

The Nazis didn't call the Holocaust "hey let's kill everybody!", they called it "the Final Solution". The government didn't call MK Ultra "LSD mindfuck", they called it something cool sounding, so anyone that could've come across it would say, "oh that sounds cool, nothing bad could possibly be happening here!"

The information collected and the names listed would never see the light of day. It would have been sent directly to the highest echelons of the network, whom listened, considered and acted. It wouldn’t have taken a genius to connect the implications between the facts and the records, so every bit of it was expunged or redacted so that my efforts would not be in vain. It would have been as though the expedition never happened, as though it was simply an anomaly that appeared unexpectedly. The information would never be seen by a human eye again until it was once more unveiled by fate, buried simply to hide the truth.

What is the easiest way to hide the identity of Phenomenon #001, the architect of the universe and its infinite hordes of flaws?

Don't classify it as Phenomenon #001.


KILL AGENT ACTIVATED.

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